just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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