No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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