i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize