I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
