Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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