I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
