I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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