yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We had sex on a dog bed..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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