there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You pole danced in your parka.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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