69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
