So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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