Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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