You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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