i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
