I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
