i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
