Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
