I wish my penis had an off switch
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
