Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
