The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
