I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize