are you still at the devil's house?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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