do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
