I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
