I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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