Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
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i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
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HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..