dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...