i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
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I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
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I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.