I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.