I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth