Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
