Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
