you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
