I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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