My balls are so social today.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
