so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
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I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
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You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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