he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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