she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
we should paint friendship bongs
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