Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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