I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
