Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
