Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
