I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
