Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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