so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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