Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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