You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Semen is not good for contacts.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
