i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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