Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
