Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
