guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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