yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
