You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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