Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize