you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
