Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
