And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
