Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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