My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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