I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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