I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
