Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
