Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
