i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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