My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
