how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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