If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i think i have herpe
just one?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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