She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
